Love don't love me

One starless, cloudy night I had a male companion do me the kindness of ensuring that I got home safe and sound after a relaxed dessert date with a mutual friend. In the dying moments of our evening, we found ourselves engaging in the polite chit chat that precedes impending goodbyes.

It is worth establishing that this was no stranger but, in fact, someone I often saw around and conversed with occasionally. So on this particular night as we stood out there, I was having one of my very emotionally complex moments (I blame it on the PMS) and I started to tell some warped tale about a relational glitch I was currently experiencing with him and my even more warped idea of a solution to this glitch.

You gotta understand something here. I am that girl, I've come to realise, who overthinks everything; fails to laugh at a joke until it actually makes intellectual sense to me; and require an explanation for, well, EVERYTHING. My friends say I'm slow. But that's just how the world looks to me: one giant riddle I wanna break down and figure out. I like to fancy it ... being interested. I love being this way. Most other folk like things simple, and I get that. Even I, in many ways, like things to remain as simplified as possible but to me simple is not a lack of thought; it is a thorough and effective communication of it.

My general experience is that I am either having a superficial, surface conversation; or I'm giving somebody real grief cuz I'm busy complicating their life! Keeping it surface is always my go to move unless the other person prompts more than small talk and pleasantries. But on this night, my companion was a little deeper and probing than the usual suspects and, frankly, I was not in the mood to play shallow so I just spoke my heart as it is. It was then that something radical happened. He looked back at me without exasperation, tension or heaviness and said simply, "We can still walk."

I know those words out of context are completely meaningless but bear with me a moment. The amazing thing to me here was that this person actually heard me, understood all the gibberish that was coming out of my mouth, and addressed the issue. Ever have that out of body experience when all the countless stars in your universe just align and click into place?? When you least expect it some one sees you as you are and; without a dictionary, concordance, index or glossary of terms; they just get it!!

No more walking was actually done and this person subsequently reverted back to acquaintance status; but I walked away with something precious that night. Apparently, I am not as obscure as I think I am. The last person to have heard me is not the last person to have heard me at all. This is definitely something I have agonised over and I want to believe that God, who makes all things work together for my good, may have taken me to this time and place just to remind me that His capacity to meet my needs, surprise me, GET me - is unparalleled and unfathomable.

I learnt to rest in the knowledge that God knows me. Better than anybody could. He knows everything I want and everything I need and when some things don't seem to be coming together in my life or I seem to be "lacking" something it isn't because He is unable to make it happen or provide it but rather that He is my SOURCE. He is my source. Of everything I desire and everything I need; all the voids that have bored themselves into my soul over time - He has filled.

I am hungry for Christ all over again.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” John 4:13-15

P.S. A special thanks to my momentary knight for reminding me to believe that love can find me again. And in a twisted way; that it already has.

P.P.S. Team #pinkypromise #norandoms :D ;)